There are roughly 7,000 languages spoken worldwide, with a lot in common among them. Each language, however, is unique in its structure and the way it reflects the culture of the community that speaks it. We live in a very polarised time. Understanding what different groups of people say and why is the first of many steps in how we can help bring people together. After all, language is a masterpiece. Language represents the culture and beliefs of its origin. It gains trust, brings peace, and fulfils its purpose.
Simultaneously, language can destroy people and communities, as language is the primary medium for people to convey information, values, and feelings.
For example, one study showed that a relatively harmless sentence, such as "girls are as good as boys at math," can subtly indicate sexist stereotypes. This is due to the statement's grammatical structure, which implies that being good at math is more common or natural for boys than girls.
While it is our choice to choose what language to use and what emotions to share, we can unintentionally convey judgement or unconscious bias. We need to be particularly aware of our language when interacting with others, as we may be unaware of another person’s challenges with mental illness.
According to the Harvard Mental Health Letter, verbal abuse like threatening, yelling, blaming, insulting, and criticising can be as harmful as sexual abuse (The Havard Gazette). Verbal aggression increases the risk of depression, anger-hostility, and dissociative disorders.
Why is the choice of language important?
Appropriate word choices can heal, while inappropriate ones can hurt. As language forms relationships, good communication positively impacts physical and mental recovery. Language helps us communicate information both verbally and non-verbally. How you talk, your choice of words, how you listen, and your physical gestures play a significant role in giving and receiving information, influencing how it makes you both feel. Research found that even the slightest differences in the use of language can correspond with the speaker’s biased beliefs.
For example, therapeutic communication helps people with mental illnesses pause to gather their thoughts and identify solutions. The opposite can be said of poor communication, like having a mental health conversation and not allowing silence because of our own reactions or discomfort. Why do we expect others to be vulnerable and open up if we avoid it? How we communicate and the language we use or at times avoid influences behaviour. Suppose we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable and respect the silence. This can result in disconnection and prevent another from opening up about their vulnerabilities, worsening their mental ill-health.
What NOT to say or do?
Do not use your judgement to define a person. Simple words or phrases such as 'It's not a big deal or 'You’ll get through this’ can worsen the situation. These phrases devalues a worth, diminishes connection and trust, and shows a lack of respect for their experience or perspective. In other words, do not 'silver line' things. It isn't about us wanting them to feel better. This is their journey; this is their story. We must respect that.
'I understand what you are going through is not empathy. Not even close. While intentions might be good and pure; assuming that we understand the person's feelings or experiences makes it about us. We might say that "we can't begin to understand what they must be going through" or "it sounds really tough for you at the moment with everything going on, and I can hear the pain in your voice". The difference is empathy. Language significantly affects how we and others perceive the world. Assuming we know or understand one's pain or experience is another form of judgement or unconscious bias, feeding into the stigma associated with mental ill-health. Assumptions might offer one explanation of why some people are defensive or dismissive when approached about their mental health.
What to say or do when communicating with someone who is experiencing mental ill-health?
Being non-judgemental, active listening, and creating time and space are all essential. Try open-ended questions using what, where, when, how, and why questions, which will help you gain meaningful insights and thoughts. Repeating some of their answers lets the person know they are heard, while clarifying lets the person know you want to understand. We want to understand the person's language preferences, and the communication exchanged. Person-centred language helps to create a connection, builds trust, and shows understanding. Open gestures (body language), eye contact, and a smile show the other person that we care and respect them by paying attention.
The bottom line
Although language is the universal form of communication that conveys various types of information, mindful use of language is important as it can empower and connect with others and relay the true meaning of our intentions. Mindless use of language does the opposite, often leading to drawbacks, especially when communicating about mental health. Equally important; is being aware of any pre-existing judgements or assumptions you may hold and being able to put them aside or at least be aware of the impact. This awareness avoids hindering the situation and feeding into stigma associated with mental ill health.
It’s your choice on what and how to use language. Remember the impact and outcomes your language can have on others. Choose your words and your language even more wisely.
Author Lilly Saranporn Rungcharoenruayying
References
https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2007/04/verbal-beatings-hurt-as-much-as-sexual-abuse/
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